My kids will never know the joy of finding a quarter in the coin return of a pay phone!
The Sun began to show itself when the great timepiece struck 6 bells. The sound was deafening but the bells survived the impact one for time!
Bob Z and I had an appointment at the Great Healthfood Shrine (called The Pancake House) where we met rectorial…sounds worse than it was!
Contrary to its name the Great Healthfood Shrine, it served fruit, cottage cheese, various juices, and many other healthy alternatives…none of which we partook of! After all, today’s first adventure was in the Sacred Green Fields Shrine and we had to be in tip-top shape! We needed meat and coffee.
Befitting our lower cast in life, we succumbed to temptation and had bacon wrapped bacon with rooster eggs on the side plus spicy tubers fried in bacon grease! We realize we will pay for this later but alas, without our women beside us, we be weak!
After breakfast, we prayed (paid?) at the alter of the Great Register and went back to the Pilgrim Holding Facility to sneak into bed so we can fake getting up when our brides awake at 8:00 AM. Done properly they would never know of our ritual we have been performing for many many years!
The Great Bell on the mountain side decided to place us in mortal jeopardy this morning as it sprang into life three minutes early…7:57 AM to be exact. Three minutes before we jumped into bed…just in time to wake the sleeping beauties.
When we saiid, using our newly found abilities to speak in tongues that we had just got up to visit the “gentlemen’s lounge”. The ladies wondered why we were totally dressed with a jackets and hats on and smelled of bacon grease… I mumbled several secret incantations, waved my hands wildly, and said we needed to be at the Holy Sand Trap in just one hour and three minutes! Bob further spoke to Donna in tongues and Donna nodded her approval. Saved again!
We prepared ourselves for the journey to the Sacred Green Fields Temple grounds and the Sand Trap Shrine quickly. Before entering the Sacred Green Fields, one must pass alms to the priests who operate The Sand Trap Shrine…great quantities of alms were offered to the priests from which we received not only food, we got a lot of gas.
Holly posted the gas prices…quote in alms we think!
Speaking of high above us…. the trek awaits us! The mighty staircase offered new challenges and new requirement for oxygen bottles placed strategically along the pathway.
Five until 11:00 AM, our appointed time of arrival at the Sacred Green Fields Shrine, we had to climb. The sacred stairs raised us in elevation from sea level to just above the clouds…in the short distance, nirvana..the entrance to the Green Fields.
To pass through the Green Fields Temple Grounds, one must face nine carefully planned obstacles…each one offering a unique challenge to our collective talent.
Two hours passed while, to quote that old philosopher, Holly, “We Be Swinging And Swearing”. Magic white orbs appeared and then disappeared. The magic sticks were swung in every conceivable direction…the swooosh of air passing the shafts was deafening! It was a scary two hours!
During our trial, required in order to got forth and prosper later in the day and therefore be allowed to the Great Dance Hall, we were visited by the forest spirits…it was a dear encounter with the porta-priest…he apparently approved of our reverence to the Green Fields and departs as quickly as he came! Leaving not any deposits as we thought Bob’s exuberance may have scared the brown deposits from him!
With Bill & Holly, Bob & Donna, Sue & I we did the math and were amazing at our performances. At the end of the day, we over achieved. Normal pilgrims return with score cards around 36…we, on the other hand, achieved an amazing scores averaging about 110. We congratulated each other on a job done well. We left our mark on the Sacred Green Fields (and many trees and local wild life).
We passed the test at the Sacred Green Fields Temple leaving the grounds with a plethora of white orbs carefully concealed amongst the greenery and brownery we visited. With no visual bodily harm, but certainly some seriously deflated egos, and the pencil erasers gone or still hot from over use, we returned to the Pilgrims Holding Facility!
Time for R&R…we went to the roof of our lodge and sang hymns to the Creator Of Alcohol and chomped cool chilly chips and devoured sacred vegetables…Brussel sprouts excepted (Bob didn’t want to create a gas glut).
We offered the Brussel sprouts to the local God’s but even they refused so Bob tossed them off the roof onto the peasants below! Some of the Brussel sprouts were tossed back up at us along with a couple of tomatoes.
4:30 PM arrived quickly as were crossed the sacred street to enter the underwater world of The Bluewater Grill eatery where we did the unthinkable, we dined again!
The bewitching hour has arrived…6 PM sharp…time to make the journey to the Sacred Temple of Dance. We entered the hallowed halls making our way up the cement interior reaching the sacred chamber were 10,000 square feet of wood dance floor gleamed in the distance…Nirvana has been achieved!
The procedure to reach the upmost level of Nirvana required the great line dance to be performed, often called the Conga. The requirement was to be able to count to three…only half our party were allowed onto the floor as the qualifying test was difficult.
Anxious to see High Pries of the Dance, Bill and Holly jumped into line and demonstrated the proper way to do the Conga. Fortunately, they were NOT spotted by the High Priest and therefore were NOT pulled out the line for human sacrifice…tonight, anyway!
CAUTION: Imges below may NOT be for the faint of heart!
The chair dance Conga was performed by Sammy & Brenda…and elegant performance we might add! The God’s will be happy tonight!
By 9:30 PM, we were convinced our sacred journey was complete and we had offered the God’s great amounts of energy as we danced wildly flailing our arms and moving our feet to the beat, without error I may add!
Via clandestine arrangements, we got Sammy to snap a photo of us dancing…sans the flailing limbs…Paul managed not to yodel the song being sung by the singer (say that twice)… The God’s of the Dance were smiling (or encouraging us to leave quietly)?
It was decided, by a vote of those who were old enough to vote (laugh giggle giggle… in our group the ten of us were old enough to vote twenty-one times), that is was time to leave the temple and join the commoners.
We enjoyed a treat before returning to our home away from home. The Avalon Grill Shrine had many delightful choices, several of which were sans calories like the famous “Pine Float” or the “Cucumber Floaters” or the best, “Lemon Water”.
We crashed hard this evening for tomorrow brings another adventure…crossing the sea and return to home only to begin the waiting process for next years adventure!