Saturday On The Sacred Island Revealed Secrets

My kids will never know the joy of finding a quarter in the coin return of a pay phone!

The Sun began to show itself when the great timepiece struck 6 bells. The sound was deafening but the bells survived the impact one for time!

Bob Z and I had an appointment at the Great Healthfood Shrine (called The Pancake House) where we met rectorial…sounds worse than it was!

Contrary to its name the Great Healthfood Shrine, it served fruit, cottage cheese, various juices, and many other healthy alternatives…none of which we partook of! After all, today’s first adventure was in the Sacred Green Fields Shrine and we had to be in tip-top shape! We needed meat and coffee.

Befitting our lower cast in life, we succumbed to temptation and had bacon wrapped bacon with rooster eggs on the side plus spicy tubers fried in bacon grease! We realize we will pay for this later but alas, without our women beside us, we be weak!

We ate to gain strength for the difficult tasks ahead!

After breakfast, we prayed (paid?) at the alter of the Great Register and went back to the Pilgrim Holding Facility to sneak into bed so we can fake getting up when our brides awake at 8:00 AM. Done properly they would never know of our ritual we have been performing for many many years!

The Great Bell on the mountain side decided to place us in mortal jeopardy this morning as it sprang into life three minutes early…7:57 AM to be exact. Three minutes before we jumped into bed…just in time to wake the sleeping beauties.

When we saiid, using our newly found abilities to speak in tongues that we had just got up to visit the “gentlemen’s lounge”. The ladies wondered why we were totally dressed with a jackets and hats on and smelled of bacon grease… I mumbled several secret incantations, waved my hands wildly, and said we needed to be at the Holy Sand Trap in just one hour and three minutes! Bob further spoke to Donna in tongues and Donna nodded her approval. Saved again!

We prepared ourselves for the journey to the Sacred Green Fields Temple grounds and the Sand Trap Shrine quickly. Before entering the Sacred Green Fields, one must pass alms to the priests who operate The Sand Trap Shrine…great quantities of alms were offered to the priests from which we received not only food, we got a lot of gas.

Holly posted the gas prices…quote in alms we think!

One of our flock suggested if you add the numbers, you got Holly’s age…Hey were soon struck by a bold of lightning emanating from the Green Fields Temple high above us. The God’s were watching!

Speaking of high above us…. the trek awaits us! The mighty staircase offered new challenges and new requirement for oxygen bottles placed strategically along the pathway.

The Sacred Staircase on the way to the Green Fields Temple revealed much about the locals

Five until 11:00 AM, our appointed time of arrival at the Sacred Green Fields Shrine, we had to climb. The sacred stairs raised us in elevation from sea level to just above the clouds…in the short distance, nirvana..the entrance to the Green Fields.

Holly spoke to the Green Fields High Priest and got special magic sticks needed to
hit the tiny white magic orbs….part of our test to reach the next level!

To pass through the Green Fields Temple Grounds, one must face nine carefully planned obstacles…each one offering a unique challenge to our collective talent.

Two hours passed while, to quote that old philosopher, Holly, “We Be Swinging And Swearing”. Magic white orbs appeared and then disappeared. The magic sticks were swung in every conceivable direction…the swooosh of air passing the shafts was deafening! It was a scary two hours!

For seventeen years we have visited the Holy Green Fields and knew where the magic white orbs could be found (within a 100 foot radius).

During our trial, required in order to got forth and prosper later in the day and therefore be allowed to the Great Dance Hall, we were visited by the forest spirits…it was a dear encounter with the porta-priest…he apparently approved of our reverence to the Green Fields and departs as quickly as he came! Leaving not any deposits as we thought Bob’s exuberance may have scared the brown deposits from him!

Only Holly shower irrelevance by saying “Come here dear”…She was forgiven! Bob, on the other hand, kept looking for Santa Claus and perhaps the wreckage of a sleigh…

With Bill & Holly, Bob & Donna, Sue & I we did the math and were amazing at our performances. At the end of the day, we over achieved. Normal pilgrims return with score cards around 36…we, on the other hand, achieved an amazing scores averaging about 110. We congratulated each other on a job done well. We left our mark on the Sacred Green Fields (and many trees and local wild life).

We passed the test at the Sacred Green Fields Temple leaving the grounds with a plethora of white orbs carefully concealed amongst the greenery and brownery we visited. With no visual bodily harm, but certainly some seriously deflated egos, and the pencil erasers gone or still hot from over use, we returned to the Pilgrims Holding Facility!

Time for R&R…we went to the roof of our lodge and sang hymns to the Creator Of Alcohol and chomped cool chilly chips and devoured sacred vegetables…Brussel sprouts excepted (Bob didn’t want to create a gas glut).

We offered the Brussel sprouts to the local God’s but even they refused so Bob tossed them off the roof onto the peasants below! Some of the Brussel sprouts were tossed back up at us along with a couple of tomatoes.

4:30 PM arrived quickly as were crossed the sacred street to enter the underwater world of The Bluewater Grill eatery where we did the unthinkable, we dined again!

We are dressed formally in order to enter the Great Hall int he Sacred Temple of Dance… Many peasants, too poor to afford new clothes wore hand-me-downs form the 1920’s and 1930’s… poor souls!

The bewitching hour has arrived…6 PM sharp…time to make the journey to the Sacred Temple of Dance. We entered the hallowed halls making our way up the cement interior reaching the sacred chamber were 10,000 square feet of wood dance floor gleamed in the distance…Nirvana has been achieved!

The procedure to reach the upmost level of Nirvana required the great line dance to be performed, often called the Conga. The requirement was to be able to count to three…only half our party were allowed onto the floor as the qualifying test was difficult.

Anxious to see High Pries of the Dance, Bill and Holly jumped into line and demonstrated the proper way to do the Conga. Fortunately, they were NOT spotted by the High Priest and therefore were NOT pulled out the line for human sacrifice…tonight, anyway!

CAUTION: Imges below may NOT be for the faint of heart!

Bill was going to smile but he decided to count the steps instead! Bill did well, after 20 minutes he got the “1-2-3- Kick” down perfectly…He will be invited back next year to give instruction!

The chair dance Conga was performed by Sammy & Brenda…and elegant performance we might add! The God’s will be happy tonight!

We heard “1-2-3 Ouch… 1-2-3 Ouch” then Brenda said something about “Point your feet the other direction, PLEASE”

By 9:30 PM, we were convinced our sacred journey was complete and we had offered the God’s great amounts of energy as we danced wildly flailing our arms and moving our feet to the beat, without error I may add!

Via clandestine arrangements, we got Sammy to snap a photo of us dancing…sans the flailing limbs…Paul managed not to yodel the song being sung by the singer (say that twice)… The God’s of the Dance were smiling (or encouraging us to leave quietly)?

Notice the lack of scuff-marks on our shoes, proving once again that steel toed shoes with built in bumpers are the only answer

It was decided, by a vote of those who were old enough to vote (laugh giggle giggle… in our group the ten of us were old enough to vote twenty-one times), that is was time to leave the temple and join the commoners.

We enjoyed a treat before returning to our home away from home. The Avalon Grill Shrine had many delightful choices, several of which were sans calories like the famous “Pine Float” or the “Cucumber Floaters” or the best, “Lemon Water”.

Donna can’t believe we are drinking water…not even Holy Water…just water… Perhaps we had imbibed a tad too much this evening.

We crashed hard this evening for tomorrow brings another adventure…crossing the sea and return to home only to begin the waiting process for next years adventure!

About Paul

Just an old retired guy trying to finish out my last years on this planet loving my best friend and wife, having fun, learning, and passing on helpful things to others.
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