The Eyes Have It!

What should you do if you are cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

The sun also rises, a great name for a book!  I was up early because I am getting an eye test this morning, and I wanted to study for it.  So I got out my trusty eye chart and began practicing on it, hoping Mary’s eye chart would be the same!

Geez, I hope Mary doesn’t read this and put two and two together!

So, I am off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of eyes! Thank goodness for GPS because reading the street signs is not easy these days!

OK, here’s the truth!  I am looking forward to the eye test, but more importantly, I am looking forward to taking the Doctor to lunch afterward!  I arrived at the office right on time, OK, perhaps a little early.

She had a wonderful office for her private practice, and it was decorated for Halloween. I first noticed the mirror in the eyeglasses department, so I looked closely to make sure my hair was combed.

After a few minutes, I realized it was a talking hat and not a mirror.  I was puzzled why it was singing “Jingle Bells.”  Perhaps it’s a new fad?

Jingle Bells? What gives!

OK, with great trepidation, I walked down the hallway to get the test.  A nice man poked and prodded me, shot lasers into my eyes, attempted to measure my eye pressure with a tire gauge, and did other procedures not suitable to explain on in this child-friendly blog.

Finally, I got to see “the Doc”; that was a sight for sore eyes.  She provided an eye test, but it was not like the one from above.  She would ask me to read a line, and I would say, “L I F E  B E G I N S   A T  4 0…” and she would shake her head with despair.  I was worried, I must have had the incorrect crib sheet!  Oh, how could this happen?

Finally, the exam was over, and she graded me.  When she was done, I got a prescription, and I glanced at it.  I started to worry when I saw all the numbers; it looked like the formula for rocket fuel.  Dr. Mary did ask me if I ever went on blind dates; I wondered why?  M-m-m-m-m-m, something else to add to my “things to ponder” list!


OK, the exam is overtime to chow down.  We exited the office, and as I got into the car, Mary asked if she should drive?  Now I am really getting worried!  Why would she think that?  Was it because I got into the back seat first?

We headed down Beach Blvd to the ocean, turned right, and bam, there was a major accident.  With a clever mix of luck and some knowledge of the surrounding streets, we made it to Duke’s.

One of Mary’s favorite haunts.

We had wonderful seats, and this time, they let me sit inside; after I signed a promissory note not to throw food or attempt to throw my shoes, tied together, of course, at the ceiling fan.  Begrudgingly I signed the document.

Mary said she was not embarrassed by my actions, but she did keep looking around to make sure there was no one she knew nearly.  The doggy masked stayed on the entire time except for small bites of food and an occasional sip of vino!

Hiding in plain sight!

I, on the other hand, squinted at the menu, my eyes still dilated, so all I was seeing was bright lights.   When I ordered the “We reserved the right to refuse service to anyone,” and asked for it to be well done, that was the last straw.   She dug into her purse and pulled out “readers,” which I put on with vigor.  Better, I thought to myself.  I slowly put down the placemat I was using to make my lunch selection and found the menu.   This is easier!

Perfect glasses for me!

We sat and killed off a bottle of cheap wine, so cheap, the price tag was still on it, complete with the cross-outs and lower prices.  It was a good vintage, however.  July 2020 was marked on the bottle, but I swear it may have been August 2020 based upon the grape seeds which were floating in the bottle.

After lunch, I took Mary back to her car and followed her home.  That made it much easier as I usually get lost these days.

Mary’s back was still not totally good, so we decided to stay in and not make the trek to Patty’s. Besides, I had steaks from yesterday at the Elks Lodge.  We watched TV and attempted to watch “Every Which Way You Can” but didn’t make it past 9:00 PM.

I “cooked dinner” for Mary tonight.  I warmed the steak (which, by the way, was excellent) and found a salad in the frig.  I woke her up and said, dinner is served.  You would have thought I had worked miracles; she went through that steak like a tornado!  Now you see it; now you don’t! The sound of CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP filled the room!  Scout was frightened and nid in the other room.  Ten seconds later, all was left was the bone and a one-square inch of lettuce.

I told Mary I slaved over the stove for an hour; I doubt if she believed me!

OK, 9:15 PM and time for The Silver Fox and I to turn westward as tomorrow we return for a trip to Camarillo to visit Mary’s family and friends!   We are off in a cloud of dust with GPS guiding the way home.

About Paul

Just an old retired guy trying to finish out my last years on this planet loving my best friend and wife, having fun, learning, and passing on helpful things to others.
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