Estimated reading time: 4 minutes
Mary was thinking about her upcoming birthday!
Girls and boys, what day is it? That’s right: Gym Day. And with all the drama of a covert operation, we rolled out at 8:25 am sharp—no fanfare, no witnesses, no one stopping us to ask, “Are you sure you want to do this?”
This perfectly timed escape gives us a solid 30 minutes to storm the cardio floor and terrorize the stationary bicycles—pedaling furiously while going absolutely nowhere, like hamsters in a cage.
At mile five or 9:00 am, whatever comes first, we transitioned from the bikes to floor exercises where kissing one’s kneecap is the beginning ritual. The music played at Peak Performance is at a sound level just below that of the Saturn V Rocket leaving for the Moon. At that level, the scream of agony, anguish, atrocious pain, distress, and pain cannot be heard from the inmates.
I made my escape from my captors a little early and immediately went undercover at the market next door for “necessary groceries”: milk, vanilla scones, and—because I’m nothing if not unpredictable—two ears of corn.
Mary met me at the getaway car, and we drove home as if nothing had happened. There was, however, an occasional “Ouch!” stemming from turning my head and stepping on the brake.
At home, we switched cars, and Precious came out of hiding. She needed to be smogged!
Mary has used the smog-measuring station for almost 30 years, and the old gentleman recognized Mary and Precious. While getting smogged, Mary and I went across Chapman to The Original Pancake House.
We shared an omelet the size of Texas.
I added sliced jalapenos to my “half” of the omelet. Mary cut this sucker up, and my “half” was still the size of California. The Pancake House has perfected fluffy omelets; we must find out their secret!
We walked back to the smog station, and Precious had a sad look on her face; she had failed the test!
I remembered that we had replaced the battery three weeks ago and that replacing (or disconnecting) the battery often makes a car more likely to fail a smog test shortly afterward because it resets the engine computer (ECU) and wipes emissions self-test data.
Common reasons for smogtest failure after a battery change:
Readiness monitors reset to”Not Ready.”
- After a battery reset, the ECU (Engine Control Unit) loses the results of its onboard emissions checks (catalyst, O2 sensors, EVAP system, etc.).
- Many smog programs automatically fail (or reject) the test if too many monitors are “Not Ready,” even if there’s no check-engine light.
Temporary rough running / relearn not completed.
- The ECU may need time to relearn idle, fuel trims, and throttle settings.
- During this period, emissions can be higher than normal, especially at idle.
A hidden issue shows up once monitors run.
- After you drive a bit, the ECU reruns tests. If something’s actually wrong (weak O2 sensor, small EVAP leak, borderline catalytic converter), it can trigger a fail once the system checks itself.
What to do next
- Drive 50–150 miles over a few trips (mix of city/highway, including a cold start), then recheck readiness with an OBD-II scanner before retesting.
Mary was quite upset that Precious came home with an “F,” so we devised a correction behavior for Precious! We called Vicky and decided to visit her and bring her some clothes that we found for her brothers. We went through the garage jacket closet and eliminated fifteen coats, including my Disneyland leather jacket. Better if Vicky’s family and friends get the clothes than they stay cooped up in the garage.
We had a wonderful visit with Vickyshe’ss basically sunshine with better stories. She covered the dining room table in goodies like she was catering a small wedding, and we sat there sipping lemonade and solving theworld’ss problems… with the confidence of people who definitely should not be left in charge.
Mary found one of Del’s trophies from his rabbit hunting days!
Mary found one of Del’s trophies from his rabbit hunting days!
It was around 5:15 pm when we hit the road for home, and the Sun was putting on quite a show!
Traffic was heavy, so I kept my eyes on the road while Mary described the sunset in vivid terms!
After getting home, we had a small salad and finished off a small piece of chicken quesadilla before hitting the TV/Living room for another session of “Suits”.
Mary crashed first!!
