We were up early and working in the office, attempting to find the desktops. We were up early, caffeinated to the max, and diving into the office like explorers searching for lost treasures—only our treasure was buried under mounds of paperwork that seemed to multiply like rabbits. If you think finding desktops is a piece of cake, try navigating a paper avalanche! I half expected to discover a long-lost coffee mug from 2010 or a rare species of dust bunny in the process. Who knew that in the quest to be “organized,” I’d end up training for an extreme office marathon? Buried under mounds of old paperwork.
After 8:00 am, I was not to drink OR eat, oh my! On my last trip to the kitchen at 7:59 am, the last chocolate in the previous candy box whispered to me as I wandered by in a daze. I overcame this by slamming the top of the box closed and running back to the office.
At 11:00 am, we prepped to go outside and set our GPS for Saint Joseph’s Hospital in Orange. Mary decided I should wear my black jogging outfit because it makes my butt look cute (I swear I am going to send her to an eye doctor!).
We arrived at 12:15 am for a 1:00 pm appointment, which was good as we beat the post-lunch rush! A male nurse came out and asked if I could go with the flow instead of smoking a pain pipe, poking several Voo-doo dolls dressed as the medical staff, and doing incantations in the lobby! I responded accordingly.
We were sent to the procedure area at 1:00 pm sharp, and I was instructed to put on the hospital gown, but he said in no uncertain terms, “PLEASE keep your pants on, AND the gown opens in the back.!” Maybe he remembered me from my last visit. What was the nice nurse telling me??
We went through all the pre-procedure chit-chat, including signing away my firstborn. (I was happy to do that! It’s an inside joke.)
A bronchial scope procedure, also known as a bronchoscopy, is a procedure that allows a doctor to examine my airways and lungs. During the procedure, a doctor inserts a thin, lighted tube with a camera into your nose or mouth and down your throat. This was the operative word; I am sure it was the diameter of a milk bottle. The doctor then used the camera to view images of my airways and perform various procedures. I swear it went in so far I could see the color of my underwear!
During the procedure, I was given medicine through an IV to help me relax, and I was put under general anesthesia. I had a numbing drug sprayed in my mouth and throat and a numbing jelly placed in my nostril (I would have preferred whisky). They said the procedure may feel uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t hurt. He did say I might need a stool softener.e
OK, I was out like a light and didn’t see anything or feel anything, but I did dream of my beautiful bride driving me home, and I was in a complete body cast!
After a few minutes, I woke up in the recovery room. I was a recovering pentathol addict! I did feel woozy, but I was not going to let on in front of my amazing wife, so I tried to put on my pants. Several people complained about the “loud and obnoxious pole dancer” who was trying to put on clothes instead of taking them off. I acquiesced and allowed Mary to get me back in presentable attire.
Mary drove home the seven miles, making it in under two minutes (a new record for Vicky to beat).
I had not eaten in days, so I was ready to eat the doorknob off the bathroom door when Mary suggested kabobs! That would keep me busy long enough to make it until 6:30 am when the doctor said I could eat again!
In the oven at 3:30 degrees for a few minutes, they disappeared!
The meds were still in my system, so MAry put me to bed and got me into my “Papa Bear” jammies at around 7:30 pm, and I did NOT open my eyes until 6:45 am the following day!
Also, I did not cough all night, and Scout, fearing for his life, stayed asleep all night (I think!).
