What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader.
It’s Friday and a day of work for Mary! ME, I am retired, so I do not work, NOT! I got to the new house, Casa Valencia, early to get the trash out on the street. The new driplines are working, but I another hundred feet to install before I am done. Scout, The Wonder Dog, was with me because his task is to scare away the elephants, a job he is well equipped to handle.
At 9:00 AM, the Silver Fox and I headed out to do errands, with the first being a stop at the post office to mail a package. Then, we went to the glass store where I needed more glass for a China cabinet; yes, ladies and gentlemen, your adorable author missed both measurements by 1/4″.
So, on the way home, I decided to stop at Del Taco and get a snack to hold me over. As soon as the order was done, I attacked the bag with such ferocity the neighboring cars thought I was fighting off a herd of wildebeests. Pieces of taco shells and shredded cheese were flying all around as I tackled that delightful meal. Thank goodness, no one called the cops.
Then, the phone rang, mid-bite, I may add. Recognizing the ring, I answered it, and it was, as expected, my son Joe. “Hey, Dad, where are you right now” spoke the voice on the phone. I replied, “Holding my own against a gigantic taco!”. Well, I found out that Joe was at our house with tools and materials in hand; I did not know it was “Shop Day.”
I bit the last bite of the taco leaving only the bones to be evidence of the magnificent battle I put up. The Silver Fox and I set the navigation for home, and we were there in less than ten minutes.
Joe explained his plan, “Dad, you put the cabinet together, and I will attach the tabletop to the workbench!” That sounded fair to me until I opened the first cabinet box, and it came with 4,567 parts, most of which these old eyes could not see. Hey, why not give it the old college try!
Carefully I read the instructions to myself, “Put part 75 into the do-hickey adjacent to part 87 and then attach the two pieces with bubblegum”. Bubblegum, that was not in the tiny parts package, or was it? Yes, I tossed to the bubblegum thinking it was styrofoam. On my hands and knees looking for a small piece of gum ON MY NEW FLOOR!
Meanwhile, on the western end of the garage, Joe has attached the tabletop in a most delightful way! No screaming and yelling, no throwing of parts or tools, the mild-mannered day laborer just filled his intuition, and it was taking shape.
Not to be outdone by a fifty-year-old, I lifted my work of art and proceeded to go into the door-hanging phase of the assembly. I swear, when I was growing up, the screws were NEVER this small. I needed tweezers to find the little devils, and then they acted like Mexican jumping beans. I pick it up; it drops. I pick it up; it drops. I pick it up; it drops.
Under my breath, I remembered every cuss work I had ever used, some of which I, to this day, have no idea what they mean; I just knew they were naughty. Joe would look over to see how dad was doing, and I smiled and hummed a tune from my childhood, and before you say it, they had music when I was a child.
And here he is, my own little day laborer. A handsome specimen, I might add, taking his good looks, wonderful warm personality, and technical talent from the old man.
I repeated the very labor-intensive process of assembling the cabinets not twice but four times! Joe attached them to the wall with a 30″ bolt. The cabinets will never fall off, and the bolts that extend through the wall into the front patio can always be used as an expression of modern art!
Many laughs and giggles later, I have a shop that I am proud of. We have a few things to add, but I have a shop! YEAH! I think Joe was more excited about the shop than me! I am so proud to be his pappy.
Mary called about 3:30 PM as she had seen her last patient, and she asked, “What’s for dinner?” I told her on days she works; I will cook and meet her at the door with a martini and wear, well, let us say appropriate attire.
Joe stayed until Mary got home as Joe likes her and wanted to visit for a few minutes and tell tall-tales about me and the construction job we did. No, I did not ask Joe for a left-handed screwdriver.
So to make sure Mary was upset about dinner, I had started a pot of boiling water for hr favorite, artichokes. We had a boggle of wine and two artichokes on the back patio, watching the birds fly backward to see where they have been. We continued working until the sun started to set and then made the arduous trek up the hill to Mary’s house.