Mr. Clinton
I recently saw a bumper sticker that said, "Thank me, I voted for Clinton-Gore." So, I sat down and reflected on that and I am sending my "Thank you" for what you have done, specifically:
- Thank you for introducing us to Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Monica Lewinsky, Dolly Kyle Browning, Kathleen Willey, and Juanita Broderick. Did I leave anyone out?
- Thank you for teaching my 8 year old about oral sex. I had really planned to wait until they were about 10 or so to discuss it with them, but now they know more about it than I did as a senior in college.
- Thank you for showing us that sexual harassment in the work place (especially the White House) and on the job is OK, and all you have to know is what the meaning of "is" is. It really is great to know that certain sexual acts are not sex and one person may have sex while the other one involved does NOT have sex.
- Thank you for reintroducing the concept of impeachment to a new generation and demonstrating that the ridiculous plot of the movie "Wag the Dog" could be plausible after all.
- Thanks for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Gerald Ford look graceful, Richard Nixon look honest, Lyndon Johnson look truthful, and John Kennedy look moral.
- Thank you for the 73 House and Senate witnesses who have pled the 5th Amendment and 17 witnesses who have fled the country to avoid testifying about Democratic campaign fund raising.
- Thank you, for the 19 charges, 8 convictions, and 4 imprisonment's from the Whitewater "mess" and the 55 criminal charges and 32 criminal convictions (so far) in the other "Clinton" scandals.
- Thanks also for reducing our military by half, "gutting" much of our foreign policy, and flying all over the world on "vacations" carefully disguised as necessary trips.
- Thank you, also, for "finding" millions of dollars of excess tax money. I really didn't need it in the first place and I can't think of a more well deserving group of recipients for my hard-earned dollars than jet fuel for all of your globe-trotting. I understand you; the family and your cronies have logged in more time aboard Air Force One than any other administration.
- Now that you've left the White House, thanks for the 140 pardons of convicted felons and indicted felons-in-exile. We will love to have them rejoin society.
- Thanks also for removing the White House silverware, I'm sure that Laura Bush didn't like the pattern anyway. Also, enjoy the housewarming gifts you've received from your "friends."
And finally, please ensure that Hillary enjoys the $8
million dollar advance for her upcoming "tell-all" book and you, Bill,
the $5 million advance for your memoirs. Who says crime doesn't pay!
God bless America and THANK YOU (once again) for spending my taxes so
wisely and frugally.
Sincerely,
A U. S. Citizen
P. S. Please pass along a special thank you to Al Gore for
"inventing" the Internet without which I would not be able to send this
wonderful letter.
