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It’s officially the tooth of November, which means it’s time to pack away Halloween for another eleven months! But let’s be honest\u2014those candy wrappers will just haunt my pantry until next October. Who knew my house would turn into a haunted candy graveyard?<\/p>\n
My attempt at keeping Mary resting, since she was sick, failed miserably!\u00a0 I decided she could assist, but only with the easy things; I would do the difficult!<\/p>\n
I attacked the outside first, removing the blowups, the witch’s hats, and all the bunting.\u00a0 Since 95% of the outdoor decorations fit into one box, it was labeled accordingly.<\/p>\n
We were clever; we brought in the six-foot-long table so we could pack the boxes standing up! Each packing box was relabeled, making it easier next year.<\/p>\n
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The workbench saved our backs!<\/p><\/div>\n
It was getting to be lunchtime, and we needed some groceries, so I went to the market (through the howling snowstorm, pounding rain, hail falling at 110 miles per hour, and wind in excess of the sound barrier) to get her lemonade. Maybe the list was more extensive than that!<\/p>\n
How do I get what she wants?\u00a0 I do the only thing a man can do: I take pictures!<\/p>\n
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I take pictures of what she wants when I go to the market.<\/p><\/div>\n
Upon my return, I carried in the six bags of groceries only to find Mary’s feet propped up, eating bonbons and watching her never-ending series, LOST.<\/p>\n
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The kitchen came around midday.<\/p><\/div>\n
We put away the goodies and returned to work when, around 5:00 PM, I heard something growling.\u00a0 I first thought it was Scout, but it was too loud for that little baby.’\u00a0 As I searched for the sound, it turned out to be Mary’s tummy; she was hungry!\u00a0 Under her breath, I also heard the words “Filet Mignon, Filet Mignon!”<\/p>\n
When I searched the refrigerator for my earlier purchases, I found two beautiful steaks I promptly marinated for dinner.<\/p>\n
Then Mary got up, went down the hall (I heard the garage door open and shut), and she came prancing back with two baking potatoes.\u00a0 Her smile indicated I had better add the potatoes to the dinner menu, pronto!<\/p>\n
Off to the stove, I leaped with steaks in one hand and potatoes in the other.\u00a0 Quick as a bunny, I grabbed the oil, tongs, microwave potato bags, and butter and began to cook like a short-order chef in a classy restaurant.\u00a0 \u00a0 The fire was shooting everywhere; Scout showed up with an extinguisher!<\/p>\n
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I was on a roll!!<\/p><\/div>\n
After cooking the food, I quickly changed into my red thong to serve the meal properly.\u00a0 The table was set, the wine glasses were out, and I came to the table with her baked potato and filet mignon already plated and, at the same time, held in my tummy so it would not jiggle as I served her meal.<\/p>\n
After she tasted the meal, I was allowed to bring my meal to the table. I was allowed a Buba-Burger, a reheated French Fry, and, as a treat, two pieces of Scouts kibble. Mary was fantastic tonight. I was allowed a half-glass of the Ripple she found under the sink last week!<\/p>\n
For the piece of resistance, I served Mary a Seven-Up float complete with Extra Rick Moose Tracks Chocolate while she was in her recliner watching LOST.<\/p>\n
After dinner and dessert, Mary lasted 18.5 seconds until she was sound asleep.\u00a0 Meanwhile, I cleaned the kitchen, washed the dishes, changed the air in the tires of two cars, washed the dog, and took out the trash!<\/p>\n
Finally, I took my heart in my hand, swallowed deeply, said a small prayer, asked Scout to look away, and went over to wake Mary up.\u00a0 I was able to jump back quickly enough to miss the first punch!<\/p>\n
She agreed that she should go to bed early due to being sick; it was 9:30 pm.<\/p>\n
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Like a Zombie I crawled into bed and went out like a light!<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s officially the tooth of November, which means it’s time to pack away Halloween for another eleven months! But let’s be honest\u2014those candy wrappers will just haunt my pantry until next October. Who knew my house would turn into a … Continue reading